Stack Crowned 2002 Champs !
Tom Szczerbowski
Jan 08, 2003
Heading into this once-in-a-lifetime shot at football’s Holy Grail, some pundits suspected that Stack wide receiver Tom Szczerbowski would be bitter over his teammate, Paul McRae,
beating him out for the MVP award in a close vote, but Szczerbowski surprised
his critics by saying, “This is no time to be resentful. Look, Paul’s a good
friend and I want him to savour this special moment even though he clearly
didn’t deserve it. I think it would be really cheap of me to spoil the occasion
for Paul. He should revel in this major accomplishment even though I repeat
I should have won that MVP!” It can hardly be disputed that there are few
players more classy in the league than Szczerbowski.
The game got off to a cantankerous start over a disputed TD when BGP’s Pablo Frank
bobbled then snatched a pass from BGP quarterback Mike De Abreu in the end
zone while appearing to have stepped out of bounds. Frank conceded that
he was not in bounds, but, in an odd and most unexpected twist, was overruled
by none other than the Stack’s Kirk Ireland who showed his team’s magnanimity
in allowing the questionable touchdown to stand. An embittered Szczerbowski
complained, “Jeez, what we were seeing was a scene right out of ‘The Naked
Gun’ or something – I mean, here you had one guy trying to help the other
team and the other guy was declining his help at a crucial stage. It all
had me wondering whether these guys were trying to win the Super Bowl or
lose the Super Bowl. Man, am I in confusion !”
Nonetheless, BGP got a lift on Frank’s pseudo TD and tied the game 1-1,
but there was no questioning whether Ireland’s heart was in this game: he
went on to count for three scores and tasted his first Super Bowl championship.
No stranger to Super Bowls, Szczerbowski opened the scoring with his league-leading
23rd TD of the season. BGP made a valiant effort to come back from a 4-1
deficit on touchdowns from Rob Hutchinson and a late score by Paul Bertels,
who had started the game wearing a Stack uniform, but was conscripted away
from the Stack when De Abreau collided with Hutchinson and injured his knee.
However, the Cinderella comeback stopped short when the time clock expired
and the Stackers danced off the field victorious.
The Stack players doused each other in Gatorade and engaged in celebratory
hugs during the post-game celebrations. Commissioner Paul Tagliabue was
bursting with pride and happily proclaimed the Stack 2002 Super Bowl champs
with these stirring words, “I want to congratulate the Stack on their sensational
season and now I’d like to present the Vince Lombardi trophy to team GM and
Pr-esi… – wait a minute, what kind of a cheap team is it that doesn’t even
have a GM or President ?” Everyone was moved.
When it was all over, an enthralled Bertels hoisted the Vince Lombardi
trophy, but then had to be carted off the field when he suddenly collapsed
and fell to the ground. Team doctors were at a loss to tell exactly what
was wrong, but the team psychologist revealed that, having played for both
teams in one game, Bertels was suffering from an extreme bout of cognitive
dissonance as he felt both the thrill of victory AND the agony of defeat
all at the same time. No OFL player, not even the tossed-around Sean Hope,
had ever before felt quite so conflicted. The fainting spell was natural
since Bertels, like no other player, was understandably riddled with extreme
emotions.
The defeated BGP players had no reason to hang their heads, after all,
by their standards, losing by a single touchdown is almost like winning.
McRae capped off a great season by taking home another Super Bowl ring
and Frank, well, . . . the highlight of his season was being recognized by
an OFL fan when he once walked into Future Shop a few weeks ago.
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